


Regrets

by ke_xia



Category: Outlander Series - Diana Gabaldon
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-22
Updated: 2015-08-22
Packaged: 2018-04-16 15:13:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4630017
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ke_xia/pseuds/ke_xia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Claire touched the stones before the English could catch her, and she went back in time to Frank. Only, she realized that that was never what she'd really wanted at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is a collection of prompts sent in to [Imagine Claire & Jamie](http://imagineclaireandjamie.tumblr.com/tagged/;regrets) on tumblr, written by Mod Eli. (That's me!) I'm posting them here for easier reading and in case there's anyone over here on AO3 who might not be on tumblr. Do feel free to check the blog out, though, and send in prompts if you have more ideas for our favorite pair!

> anonymous asked:  
> Imagine if Claire made it through the stones to go back home in episode 8 before the redcoats grabbed her...but once she is back she can't get her mind off of Jamie and regrets ever coming back home. LOVE YOUR WRITING BY THE WAY!

Claire sat by the window, gazing out at the world beyond. People came and went, life went on and no one had a clue. Not a single one of them had a clue what was going on in a parallel time- in a time not entirely lost to them, a time when change might be made and the world could be a wholly different place. What if? her mind wondered. What if? 

Frank had moved on. He’d taken Claire to Oxford and they’d found a flat, a cozy little place to call home, and yet- She looked around, and she felt the chill in the air and not a single bit of it felt like home. When she thought of home and what home should feel like, it was warm arms around her, the scent of wool and male mixed with horse from riding constantly. “Jamie,” she whispered. “Oh, fuck. What have I done?”

Would he forgive her? Could he possibly ever forgive her for what she’d done? He must have been frantic. Had Willie seen her disappear, or did they think that, perhaps, the English had gotten hold of her? Suddenly fear gripped at her heart at the vision of Jamie going there to find her, to get her back. Ye have the protection of my body. 

“And I threw it all away. For this.”

Sometimes, she’d see the flash of red hair and sit forward, thinking it was him. But it never was. Surely he couldn’t come through the stones. Frank hadn’t been able to- he’d said he’d touched them. Anyway, Jamie thought those stories about the stones were just stories. He hadn’t believed them. He wouldn’t come looking for her.

Well. That was just that, wasn’t it? Decision made, she pushed herself out of the chair and headed for the telephone. If she was going to go back, then she would do some planning for it this time. There was no one better who could help besides Mrs. Graham and the ever-helpful historian, Reverend Wakefield. 

Claire tapped her foot impatiently as she listened to the phone ring on the other end of the line. “I’m coming for you, Jamie. Wait for me,” she whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

She’d been able to prepare, this time. She found an appropriate dress- though it hadn’t been easy. She purchased a sgian dubh for herself, unwilling to be without protection for even a moment. She didn’t know where she’d find Jamie, but the moment she was through the stones, she headed for Castle Leoch. If he was anywhere, he’d be there. She’d been gone for nearly three months, and her heart ached for him. If he didn’t forgive her for leaving... If he’d already moved on...

Claire shook her head, thrusting the thoughts from her mind. If he didn’t want her back, she didn’t know what she’d do. All she knew was she no longer belonged in that time she’d come from. That was no longer her world. Jamie- Jamie was her world. Her home. 

Word had flown ahead of her through the countryside. What if the timing was off? What if she was too late? 

Her worries- at least some of them- had been pointless. Claire was halfway to the Castle when Jamie met her along the roadside. He halted his horse and stared at her, eyes wide. “Claire?” he breathed.

She’d stopped too, hands buried in her skirts, clenching and unclenching nervously. The gold ring was gone, left behind with a letter for Frank before she’d left for Scotland. The only one that mattered remained on her right hand, never taken off, not even after she’d passed through the stones. Emotion welled up within her and she suddenly burst into tears, collapsing to the ground and burying her face in her hands.

Jamie swung down off his horse and rushed to her, gathering up into his arms immediately. He murmured to her in Gaelic, brushing his hands over her hair as he held her close. She held tightly to him, pressing right up into his lap and crying until her tears were spent. She was back. She was home. This was where she had belonged all along. 

“I’m sorry, Jamie. I’m so sorry,” she choked out when her sobs had calmed. 

“Sorry for what, Sassenach? Where were ye?” he asked, gently pulling back a little so he could look over her face. “I was scairt the English had gotten ye. We sent Willie to Fort William. I looked... everywhere-”

Claire lifted her head, looked over his face, and reached up to run her hands along his cheeks, praying silently that he would hear her out, understand that she had chosen him, and want her still in return. “I must tell you something, Jamie. You’ll think me mad... you’ll probably hate me, but-” 

He took her hands in his, rubbing his warmth into her chilled fingers. “Nay, Claire. I couldna hate ye. Whatever it is, I willna think ye mad, either. I know there is truth between us, and ye’ve come back to me, so that must mean something.”

She nodded, took a few deep breaths to steady herself, and began to tell him the story of the stones. She didn’t know how long they sat there on the cold, damp ground, but Jamie watched her face with alternating looks of astonishment, jealousy, horror, hurt, and resignation. Claire felt awful, but she forced herself to keep going, to tell him everything. At last, she told him of her return through the stones, to Frank. Moving to Oxford. A meaningless life where she could think of nothing but Jamie. She told him of how she’d prepared, and finally, how she’d come back.

“This is where I belong, Jamie. I know it is. I love you.” She searched his features, but his face was stone now. His body was stiff as he held her. Oh, God, was it too much? Had she ruined everything? “Say something, please. Say you forgive me, Jamie. Say you still want me.” 

Finally, his stormy gaze focused on hers, and he simply stared at her for several breaths. Then he gently removed her from his lap so he could stand and pace away, running a hand through his hair. Claire fell silent, hands wringing together in her lap. She felt sick. What if he said he didn’t want her anymore? Where the hell would she go? Her chest felt tight and she couldn’t quite draw a full breath. Why hadn’t he said anything yet? Christ, she wanted to scream at him. Wanted him to scream at her. 

She was so lost to her worries that she almost didn’t hear him speak. His voice was soft, but he’d stopped pacing and had turned back to her, was watching her with all the hurt in his face. But there was something else in his gaze; a light, a hope. 

“I forgive ye for leavin’, Sassenach.” He took a deep breath and stepped toward her, offering his hand. “And I’ll no’ send ye away. Ye came back to me, and I will love ye wi' my dying breath.”

Claire nodded and let him boost her up, but he kept his distance from her for a moment, still clearly troubled. She didn’t try to go to him after he released her, but she watched him, the guilt still eating at her. He looked tired. And thin. What had she done? 

“I’ll just... need some time,” he added at last. “To truly welcome ye back. Come, now. We’ve a long ride ahead of us.” He turned and headed for the horse.

“A long ride? We’re not going back to Leoch?” she asked as she followed him.

“Nay. There’s word about that ye’d returned to the English; that ye were a spy after all. They’ll no’ be welcoming ye back at Leoch anytime soon.”

Claire put a hand on his shoulder, stopping him before he could boost her onto the horse’s back. “But you believe me, don’t you, Jamie?”

“Aye, Claire. I do. I ken ye’re not a spy. Up ye get.” He lifted her up and waited until she’d settled her skirts before climbing up behind her. “We’ll spend a bit of time at Lallybroch while I think on where we’ll go next. I think it may be time we left Scotland altogether.”

Guilt flared up anew within her. She’d ruined everything. “I’m sorry, Jamie.”

His only response was a tightening of his arm around her before they set off, headed away from Leoch. To Lallybroch, and then... who knew. And yet, Claire felt a sense of relief. It’d be alright, because they were together again, and that was all that mattered.


End file.
